#20: Hindi DVDs That Actually Work

Leave it to purveyors of Indian DVDs, as scrupulous a group as a flotilla of Spanish conquistadores, to audaciously sell you bootlegged movies with the anti-piracy previews still attached. Bollywood, please understand, tell Shahruhk, Amitabh, Akshay, Rani, and Abhishek to stop lecturing us. We don't want to steal your movies; Indian DVD merchants just don't want to sell us the real ones.

How many times have you pleaded with the store clerk, "Please, just sell me a real DVD that doesn't only work on a Zone 3 Fujitsu player. I want the real thing with the packaging and everything. I'll pay you more just to avoid the VCD you throw into a jewel case. Just please give me a DVD that WORKS!" They indulge your concerns, waddle their heads in empathy and assure you this disc here is the #1, tip-top, real thing, boss.

When you get home, though, and throw that DVD in your player, you know your worst fears are about to be confirmed. That whirring-clicking sound never lies as your $200 Sony deck tells you, "This DVD ain't real. You got robbed. Again."

Say lady luck still finds you attractive and you actually make it to the title menu of Lage Raho Munna Bhai. Good luck with those subtitles. DVD extras are an empty promise on Hindi DVDs as Pratuls in basements from Mumbai to Queens to Schaumburg to Houston fire up their iMacs and churn out hundreds of superficial copies of Om Shanti Om. What does it matter? You're going to buy it, and they're going to get paid.

So this one's for you, Eros Entertainment INC, located at 550, County Avenue, Secaucus, NJ, phone number (201) 558 - 9001. Stop selling garbage DVDs with faulty subtitles.