#212: Posing with Alcohol

Indians like to give the impression of living the good life, or "ballin'." They do this by going to expensive clubs, wearing designer labels and, of course, standing next to bottles of over-priced alcohol.

For those in the finance community the term most often used to describe this pattern of delusional behavior is "Models and Bottles," where models are the 4 other Indian guys you go to the club with and Bottles are $200 props to authenticate your Damon Dash.

Posing next to different alcohol gives people unique impressions of your personality. Holding a bottle of Glenlivet, for example, says, "I'm a rowdy guy but I'm too mature for reckless behavior. Talk to me and I'll probably listen a lot since I have nothing much to say." Holding a jug of Skol, on the other hand, tells the people around you, "Don't get too close to me; I have very little left to lose." A handle of Jack distinctly says, "Help."

If at any point you find yourself in a social situation surrounded by sweaty Indian guys you can always resort to alcohol as a social lubricant. Not only drinking alcohol but also discussing it moistens the brow of most Indian men as they animatedly speak in depth about the differences between Glenfiddich and Glenmorangie. If you smile and nod at their anecdotes of the time they vomited in the backseat of their parents' minivan after a wedding in Indianapolis you will in short order be trading slaps on the back and snapping pictures next to bottles of alcohol you chipped in no more than $10 to buy.