#87: Stealing Tabasco Sauce From Chipotle

Indians like spicy food. Open up the medicine cabinet of any Indian, check out their plentiful stock of Immodium tablets, and you'll understand this. Venture into the kitchen and any persistent doubts will be addressed. There are peppers in the fridge, taco bell fire sauce packets in the drawer and in the cupboard, standing at attention like a captured POW showing courage under fire, a bottle of the green tabasco sauce they stole from the fast food chain Chipotle.

The phenomenon of tabasconapping is a confluence of two Indian quirks: a proclivity for spicy fare and thrift. If you put something spicey in front of an Indian and turn your back, they will steal it. I even saw an Indian kid pocket a CD at Best Buy just because it said Red Hot Chilli Peppers on it.

Don't believe me that Indians love spicing their food so much that they'd resort to theft? Try this. If you're ever at Pizza Hut with a group of Indian friends or family members, casually mention that they're out of crushed red pepper. "Nothing to make this slice of vegetarian delight hotter on my tongue?" they'll shout. "Nothing to steal and hide in my pantry?" they'll exclaim. "Get in the car," someone will finally say, "I think there's an Uno's down the street."

So next time you're at Chipotle waiting 35 minutes in a line for your burrito bowl keep an eye on the number of tabasco bottles (y) at the condiment station. Then count the number of Indians (x) in front of you. If at any point x>y, get your burrito to go. Chipotle may be out of hot sauce but there's plenty in your cupboards back at home.