Unlike Iran, homosexuality probably does exist to some extent in India. With so many dance remixes, styles patterned on Bollywood kitsch, open-toed shoes and silk, how can it not? In India, though, homosexuality is one thing, and holding hands is quite another.
In many places throughout Asia, holding hands amongst men is considered a common demonstration of hetero friendship. While crossing chaotic streets or sauntering down the sidewalk chewing paan, Indian men show no shame in interlocking fingers and pressing palms.
One NRI even claims to have seen "macchans," the alpha males of college campuses, locking arms with the lieutenants of their pack in India, and "goondas" holding hands just before launching an assault on a local tea shop that refuses to serve their gang free chai.
In America, though, hand holding between male friends is strictly prohibited by heteronormative social mores. Locking feet in a bhangra circle, however, is completely acceptable and straight. Lifting weights together in sleeveless tees and making eye contact in the full body mirror at the gym while executing synchronized bicep curls is also allowed. But hand holding between close friends? No, that'd be totally gay.
If you are an Indian male visiting family in India, do not be alarmed if upon first meeting you after several years of absence your cousin Anirrudah immediately grabs your hand and holds it next to his thigh for a long period of time. Also do not be alarmed if he is several years older than you, pushing 30, living with his parents and still single. This is the Indian custom of saying, "How have you been, brother? I'm not allowed to touch girls in my family's presence so this is as good as it gets."
Anirrudah will continue to hold your hand as his parents give your family a tour of their flat and introduce you to the goats that roam freely through their back yard. If you jump in alarm at the sight of wild animals, even for a second, Anirrudah will clasp your hand tighter and laugh a toothy grin in your face. "Are you frightened?" he will ask. Never, under any circumstance say yes. Just smile and breathe. It's not gay, just totally uncomfortable.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
#170: Holding Hands
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11 comments:
holding pinkies is much more functional and thus manly. It gives the holders more reach and is not as sweaty under the hot sun.
I just busted out laughing - I was in Mumbai recently and WHY THE HELL ARE DUDES holding hands is my question.
Anyways, it was funny - thanks.
I lived in Bombay for the first 22 years of my life, and I myself always wondered why all these random dudes on the street held hands....I always assumed they must be gay. In any case, believe me, regular guys don't do that. I don't know how things work on the street among the poor and the uneducated, but it does not exist in the educated urban middle and upper classes. If some random guy had wanted to hold my hand, I would have been just as creeped out as someone anywhere else in the world.
Strat8 - Firmly grip your brothers' palms, whether they be members of the hoi polloi or otherwise, in the manly name of bromance.
lets say its a cultural thing... and indians r wired very different from dudes from USA
Hence, the title of the blog enagar.com!
like strat8 said, it does not exist in the "Urban middle class" AKA: watches Friends or Full House....
As a woman, I find it a total turn-off to see two "hetero" (?) men holding hands, as I see in India when I visit relatives.
The question then is - why is it still a taboo in many places for opposite genders to hold hands or hug in public?
I just don't get it.
And you do not see women holding hands with each other anywhere near to the same extent you do men.
I say it's all due to a lack of a dating culture in India (outside of the metros).
The affection gets misplaced when you are a single man in your mid-twenties who has never even kissed a woman, or you are a married man in your 30s who is not allowed to hold the hand or massage the feet of his wife in front of mama while watching TV.
on a related note, my bf's mom always said that there are no gay people in india, that it's a north american social "problem," hahahaha! sorry mama:
http://gaybombay.org/misc/aboutgb.html
http://members.tripod.com/gaydelhi/
"holding hands" in Haji Ali, Mumbai.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ishashukla/2597635027/
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