Tuesday, July 15, 2008

#+10: Rolling Deep

To the uninitiated, "rolling deep" is the term given to the act of traveling in a group larger than socially logical. For example, 5 people going out to dinner would not be considered "deep" since dinner parties often times reach as high as ten participants. 12 people, however, pulling up to a club in 3 different taxis then bombarding the doorman with a fusillade of fake New Jersey driver's licenses that read Amit, Ajay, Aamish, Akshat, Akshay, Aabir, Anisha, Anita, Amita, Avani, Avani and Avani would constitute, in process, the act of rolling deep, which Indians like to do.

Whether it be taking a respite from work and leaving the office for lunch or heading down to the Sargent Hall cafeteria on a Wednesday after Orgo lab, Indians refuse to sojourn solely. A trip to the corner break room on the 14th, 16th, or other equally unimpressive floor of a Manhattan office building between the hours of 12:15 and 12:35 PM will yield a group of Indians huddled around steaming Tupperware containers recounting the details of mundane domestic lives and dry work tasks in a language indiscernible to the average American corporate drone. Though the number of Indians in this group may not exceed 3, their unexpected presence in a corporate kitchen in New York will undoubtedly inspire in their non-Indian coworkers sentiments along the lines of, "Damn, dogg, did you see all those Indians in the break room?" and "Shit, bro, there are mad Indians at the end of the hall. Those cats roll deep." At least one Indian who is part of the group eating their lunch will briefly look up at the sound of this exchange since his name is Deep and will think for a second he has been summoned.

Collegiate and post-collegiate Indians also tend to travel in large, ethnically homogeneous groups. Far more obnoxious than the congregation of Indians innocuously making room for themselves in an area designated for leisure and breaking, this flock of Viks, Riks and dicks choose places such as apartment units, dorms, hallways and calculus discussion sections to convene their annoying gatherings, speaking loudly and shrilly at every opportunity. The depth of this particular crowd is fully appreciated when they stand outside your door waiting for an elevator and scream such inanities as, "Ohmahgawd, like, how many Indians do you think we can fit into one elevator?" Well, Soniya, probably a lot since you and your boyfriend, I'm sorry brother, collectively weigh 150 lbs with wrists the size of dandias.

Indians can also be seen rolling deep at the library, at the hookah bar, at the club with the vaguely Turkish name, and at the orientation program for any undergraduate accelerated medicine and MBA program.


Subhash said...

this blog is SILLY lookin boy.

Anonymous said...

This post is a return to your peak form. Well done.

Anonymous said...

this was awesome. i'm crying tears of laughter

Anonymous said...

Oh HELL yeah! An indian cannot shit without 20 other people shitting behind him in some bollywood dance move and wipe in some way that they think makes them look cool.
Dude you just nailed it.
Need to make a bolllywood movie with all those dancers where the guy and girl stop music and tell all the minioins to fuck off, go get a life of their own and stop thinking that being so over excited at being a ant ina colony that no one notices them they look at the leader.

Hillary said...

I wish I were an Indian!!!!!!!1

Mahotma in Herre said...

Thrillary, get a French Connection Party top and we'll consider you an honorary Indho.