It's wedding season, 'caque Knoblauchs. brotate around that fire five times, hide your brother in law's shoes and watch sweaty dudes storm the DJ decks requesting soca hits of the '80s, '90s and today.
Cut Indians loose in the wedding hall and it's like unhooking the baby bjorn and letting your diabetic beta run wild in the jalebe shop.
Because Indians (okay, Gujus, can we stop pretending?) are infamous for their one up-manship, a so so necessary aspect of the indian wedding richa-ual is the round up on the financial gift. Normally Indians round down on EVERYTHING including their age, the mortgage on their condo, their penis size and the previously agreed upon terms for the hotel caterer.
But oh yo not so when it comes to the CHEQUE, cause, uc, if there's one thing Indians prefer to being miserly, it's doing plus one better than Nandini in the gift department. So what if her daughter went to Stanford undergrad, Northwestern medical school and is engaged to a white podiatrist in Winnetka? She only gave one hundred and fifty dollars. You're gonna give one hundred and fifty plus ONE.
Sure, some might say it's auspicious to leave off the extra zero but can we finally, for once, please, pretty please get picked to live in a house, stop being polite and start getting real? The only thing auspicious about getting Uneven Steven on your wedding gift is watching Ritu uncle's face turn red when he finds out you One-Upped him and then wondering if he's actually angry or just drunk...again.
So here's to you Indians. You won't turn the AC on in the summer; you sneak outside snacks into the theater (yeah, i heard you open that can of Diet Slice during Taare Zameen Par, AUNTIE) and you bought little Deepaum VOITS instead of Reeboks, but all that's cumin on a cutlet when you make it drizzle on the lucky couple with your $101 dollar check. Eat it up, Nandini. You just got 1-upped.
Monday, June 22, 2009
#+1: Getting Uneven Steven on your Wedding Gift
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This is usually not an issue with this Guju since I just go to the wedding registry and buy the cheapest thing on it. I love those thank you notes, "Dear Zen, thank you for the lovely napkins, Hubby and I can't wait to use them."
Indian means a citizen of India NOT an NRI or their children. Unlike "white" or "asian", "Indian" does't denote a race or ethnicity but nationality. Correct yourself first. 100 core Indians (that's 1 billion) wont't understand what are you are you talking about.
we can't even comprehend how many metah (sikh) layers above you we are right now. it's okay. you've probably never studied the humanities and have no idea who tony kushner, spike jonze, or alan moore are so we take your comment as that of an uninformed behind door dick taker who can't process the global shit we eat on Eid and dump on your face like a post-post-post racial B.O. B.M. Raise your caramel colored hand if you understood 1/3 of that, Gungadin. didn't think so. hip hop ain't deat, FYI, it's just giving us head. but, yo, in case it was? we killed it again. game. over. FLIP.
Zinc, dude. Take your zinc
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Please learn correct grammar and English before you bash on other people. Thank you.
Asians are mostly week in grammar.
Lolx.
This comment forum is now becoming a plate forum for war.
Agreed. Correct your grammar first.
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